Things We Lost in the Fire

Fire has always been representative of consumption, loss and damage. Fire can be spiritual, Emotional or literal. No matter what walk of life we have come from we have all lost something to fire. For some of us it was a relationship, for others it was faith but some of us lost a lot more. My fire was not literal, it was a blaze that was set by unbelief, left to smolder for years until one day God opened a window and i forgot to acknowledge it. You see when you are blind to origin of your "luck" when a window is opened anything can sneak in. The damage was extensive. First it was love then it was money then it was my material possessions. I almost lost my mind BUT GOD! Today even knowing that my fire was part of God's perfect plan the burns still linger. I did my best to stay inside of a world that was burning down all around me. Third degree burns over 70 percent of my body. Had i just headed the call of God none of this would have ever happened but i wanted to do me, funny thing is when God has a plan for your life there is no such thing as doing you. I had stopped praying and because of that my fire insurance lapsed. So here i stand in the ruins of what was my life. The ashes have long been washed away by the countless tears and all that remains is a firm foundation. I thank god for that foundation. Everyday as i get closer to his will i can see a wall go up step by step brick by brick and stone by stone. Before i know it i will find myself inside a mansion being careful to give god thanks for everything inside. What have you lost in your fire?

WHY ME?

So im done with love until it finds me and it feels right. I thought that friendship would amount to be and altogether less painful experience, i was wrong. It has occurred to me that no one cares about how i feel. In any relationship that i find myself in i always end up with the short end of the stick. There are the ones who betray me, the ones who be little me and others who use me as their personal punching bag. I wonder if bishops sermon fell on deaf ears. my heart is so heavy all i want is a tru friend but everyone is so busy either tryin 2 sleep with me or be bitter b/c they cant that it seems like a distant dream. Why cant we just be friends, why does everything have to carry a sarcastic undertone or a condescending motive. I wish ppl would understand that the things that you say hurt, i may not show it but they do. Things that you say are funny until im always the but of the joke. Im tired of being laughed at and having pie thrown in my face in front of total strangers. Why does makin me look stupid make u feel better about yourself. Im so confused in one sentence you care for me but in the next you remind me how useless i am. So what is the use? What have i done? Its not fair sometime i hope ill be rich someday so i can buy some huge house and shut myself up in it where i cant hurt anyone else since everything i do is wrong or shady or bitchy. im wondering why im even writing this b/c someone will swear im being shady but its either express myself of cry, and im all cried out. And if by chance you should find that this post is about you answer on question WHY ME, im a specail person im sesitive tho i dont show it, im a bitch towards u most of the time b/c you spend most of the day making me feel like les of a person and the shit hurts.