The Silver lining

You never really know how god is going to bless you. Some of the things that you chalk of to the work or Satan can be gods plan to bless you beyond measure. Sometimes i believe god has to set you up to receive your blessing. Have you ever been driving and realized that had you not left your id badge or your morning cup of joe that the accident on the expressway could have been you? Or that the daycare held you up just long enough to avoid being a hostage in the latest hold up lol. I belive that it was gods plan that i be infected so that i cant infect the world with knowledge. So i can save young men educate families and change the world. Some days i thank god for healing, healing you ask. MMM MMMM good my healing is like Campbell chicken noodle soup for the soul. Comfort peace and soothing reassurance that this too shall pass. Some days i thank good for sickness most days i thank him for the rain others times i ask him for undestanding and patience as i pray. Some trust in horses some trust in chariots but i will trust in the name of the lord FOR the name of the lord is a strong tower the righteous can run their race and they are safe! Its just when you want to give up hope and get tired of tryin right before you throw it all away, that you tear thru the padding and bull and you find what had been there all along...the silver lining just waiting to bless you on this, God's appointed day.

My Experience- By My Boy Tay

This is a poem frm the talent show in Denver CO during the retreat i attended so many wonderful friends i miss u guys future blog to coma about my experiences

It’s funny how an accidental needle prick can send you to the doctors, and then they tell you, “You’re sick.” It could’ve been the flu, pink eye, or hell let me get stung by a bee, But oooh no, I was sooo lucky…I caught HIV. Aint this some shit. I’m Track Captain, president of my class, but now everybody won’t see that, just the gay boy that’s gonna die fast. Feelings of pain & hurt with thoughts of death flooded my heart, I was scared, I felt alone, I didn’t know where to start. Inside me was a spy, an evil agent on the prowl, until that day, I never knew how much you could hate 3 letters, 2 consonants and that damn vowel! The “I” as in “I,” Have it & “I”, must live with it. If this is this is the reason I was born then mommy should had swallowed or spit. Dear God, there’s people killing, abusing, and bombing, just look at the TV, How dare you sit back and let this happen to me! My face was tough and my front was just as fake, but inside I was a mess & it was myself, I started to hate. God must had seen my struggle & sent me a me a hero, my medical teacher, an old grandma and a surgical pro. She said “Baby, what’s da matter; you haven’t been your crazy self. I couldn’t hold it any longer & told her of my health. She took a deep breath & smacked me in the head. She said “and you just gonna mope and let it strike you dead, baby, you may have HIV, but I got diabetes and that’s a wonder. Hell, If we don’t take care of ourselves, we both gonna be 6.ft under.” I took a deep breath & smiled a real smile, something that felt so good, it had been a while. She then said, “When God lets something happen to you, say ok and put it to work, don’t let it take over because it wants to lurk.” After that, I always think how bad my life could’ve been, like boys, HIV..I was just one big sin. Now, who would’ve thought that one day I would be, in the company of young wonderful adults that are positive and just because of HIV, which makes me more happy about the future whichever way it may go. But what does lil ole me know, I just wrote the here poem for a talent show.

The breath of llife

Ok so tonight in support group or facilitator told us to imagine that we woke up very disoriented with family and friends standing around. Suddenly it becomes apparent that you are lying in a hospital bed. Amid the low chatter you hear the doctor tell you mother to call in the family and finalize the plans for you only have 2 weeks to live. She then asked us what goes thru your mind. I began to wonder if i would thing of the things i had never gotten to do, the dreams that never came true the man i never found, the home i never brought and things of that sort. Or would i think about the mistakes i made and the time i wasted being mad a about stupid shit. in any case at that moment that hit me, life is too short. The saying is true there is no yesterday for it has gone and the is no tomorrow for its not guaranteed theres no day but today. All thru this whole ordeal that fact had never really meant that much to me. I began to think about living for today yet planning for tomorrow i thought about how i can cut down on time wasting and increase productivity, These thoughts coincided with deep contemplation about why i felt so stagnant in life. For a moment i saw everything so clearly. Then our facilitator drove it home she told us that someone in the room had zero t cells and had barely made it out of the hospital alive. Immediately tears, for a man i do not kno, began to flood my eyes i realized how stupid i have been to waste so much tme wallowing in my sorrow. I thought about how ungrateful i had been about having medicine and being healthy. I considered how much i poison my body. Suddenly i was overcome with joy. You may ask y and the reason is... god is awesome he is so good he gently rests upon me every morning to wake me and embraces tenderly until i drift off to sleep. God has kept me, he has given me peace and understanding in a time of storm and the will to live when others have chosen to die. My cup runs over with the little thing. I have had a few people ask what am i thankful for well, im happy for my life because it is a gift i am thankful for gods love and finally i thank god for my healing. Healing is not always in the body it starts with the soul which god has mended it trickles into the heart which god has patched the heart will heal the body someday even if its by a love of ppl that inspires someone to find a cure. My healing is the will to live the drive to succeed and the need to be a light for others. That's why i did my interview that is why my status is public and most of all that is why i have allowed my face to be on the front lines fighting for a HIV?AIDS free 2morrow! get at me 4 more info