A Struggle to Understand

Have you ever wondered why men act the way they do?

The way you dig so dep to find the best in them

am the dig even deeper to find the worst in you

I wonder if this time it was because he wasnt ready 4 one like me. I dont kno and i would love to say that i dont care but i really really do. I miss is kiss his touch and most of all i miss his loving arms embracing me as i slept. Now the days are long and the nights are cold. I lay alone in my bed and the feeling of loniness takes over.I lay there and recall the nights that we spent together. I went to the club not to find someone but just to get drunk and have a good time with my girls. Someone told him i was there and all he could think was that i was lookin 4 another nigga. But that is just it there is no other nigga even if that is really what i wanted. I cant get this man off my mind but he is too stupid and selfish to see for himself ts all about him. What about me. Who cries for me who's heard will bleed as mine does? I would stand here and wait for him forever but i cant be a fool anymore. Maybe this is gods way of telling me there is something better. But better situations have come my way i had a nigga wanting 2 give me a new and FINE automobile i said no and told him that he could go. Why? i love this man and i hate it. Most who read this kno to whom i am referring. But after this much time this much misunderstanding and his blatant display of lack of concern i think though i have dreaded this day since the night i laid eyes on him its time to walk away. You see what it is i have been hurt so many time and i really hoped that he would be diff but i guess im just another link in the chain of fools. And as much as i hate to say it love wins again.

LOVE: 2                  JAPAN: 0

technorati tags:love, mistakes, hate, relationships, pain, heartbreak

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A little too late

This time i kno i fucked up. My mouth finally got me in to some shit that i cant get out of. this man who i love so very much took me thru a lot but in the end it was several comments that i made which made all the difference. If i could take back words i would be in the nearest return department but as we all kno words hurt. Now the lack of words is driving me up the walls no phone calls no texts and my days have grown cold. its been a long time since i was this unhappy its been a very long time since i wanted to break down and cry but on today that is the way i feel. Last night i got high to try to clear my mind it didnt work while in that intoxicated state all i did was watch his images floated around my convoluted mindset. WOW how can a man have so much influence over me i don't like it. MY Daily prayer is now please let him come back to me just give me another chance to make it right. IM IM IM IM in love and i hate it.

technorati tags:love, mistakes

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The meaning of life

sometimes it takes someone to give you the worst news of your life to really teach you what life is. Life is so precious. This has been the worst break of my life. When you read this blog dont ask me what is wrong just pray. PRAY for me and ask God to show his power. I have never prayed so much in my life. 2007 is shaping up to be a bad year for many people. However through the hard times we must trust god and find the good. In everyday that you live on this earth find some purpose in that day. Make everyday count. On everyday make sure you will be able to look back and say i did something profound. I have found meaning in the simplest things. The smell of a rose the aroma of a stinky shoe and even the  blessing in the worst news of a families life. death sickness health pain and suffering, All that we go through is a test a trial and a tribulation to reach us a lesson. Did you learn a lesson today? Stand with me on this day and look up to the sky and tell God thank you for all that he has done. Thank you for pain, bad mid terms rainy days and sunny spring days when even shorts in february make sense. Even to those who will read this that i have never met i love you, you mean something to me. If there was beef it is gone. Life is too precious and too short to go around mad and holding grudges because in the end of it all what does it mean? What did you accomplish by telling someone that you hate them? To my children who know this is outside of my character ill never change who i am only how i preceive things. I love everyone and god bless you. And finally to my fiance third may our life together show and prove that amid a world of violence death divorce and hate true love still exisits. O and in closing always ALWAYS call those things that are not so as thought they were for life AND death are in the power of the tounge. The truest meaning of a double edged sword.

technorati tags:life, love, meaning, purpose

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