I often wonder why i try so hard. People keep telling me oh its just a car, or its only for a night, its just one weekend there will be another...but how many times can you hear "its just" or "its only" before it becomes "its always"? Im afraid that i will acquiesce myself away with all of these mini compromises. I struggle to find a way out of the storm...but no matter how far or how fast i run all i find are locked doors and before the storm is over im cowering in the gutter bogged down by my own anguish. I don't need pity, i just want someone to understand... Im tired of the religious bullshit that people try to feed me, the stuff that you know you wouldn't want to hear if you were in my shoes, the things that dont help in a moment of weakness. Don't judge my character from this blog, im just venting. I need to get some of this off my chest or i feel like i will suffocate under the unbearable load. More than anything i want to cry...but i dont want to cry alone. I dont have a lover...one who is strong enough to hold me up while im breaking down and too many people look to me for strength for me to remove my mask before the masses. So i sit alone, privately to remove my "band-aid" and nurse the complicated laceration that i try so desperately to hide under fashionable clothes, perfectly applied M.A.C and most deceptively a smile...
