Sometimes I Cry

Sometimes i feel like people dont understand where im coming from. Yes im beautfiul yes i have some of the greatest family and friends in the world but sometimes thats just noit enough. Im in mourning, i morn the loss of my lifestyle, my comfort and most of all my independence. I have done everything i know how to fight the depression that stalks me everyday...I pray, better yet i beg god for a way of escape, and while i understand that there is a trying period, it is so hard to just keep going. Im so sick of "holy" folk who pretend that they never have a moment of weakness. I need those who are real enough to admit that some days when the clouds hung they lost faith. I feel like im losing my faith. im doing everything that i can given the limited resources that i have to pull myself of out this hole but nothing seems to be working. I get so frustrated because im tired of all the bullshit. im tired of getting dressed up and smiling in managers faces and lying about why i want the job...sometimes i just want to say "BITCH i want to work here because i need a job DUH!". im tired of the song and dance, im tired of revising my resume over and over again to say the same thing in a different way. Somebody please just tell me what the fuck are they looking for? I'm tired of hearing what employers are looking for then walking around the establishment and seeing the polar opposite. I just need a chance to make my life what it once was. I have been begging god for a way, a door, a window, hell ill even crawl thru a doggy door. Im depressed and i cant hide it. Im sick of pretending to be happy and okay when all i do when iim by myself is cry and pray. Its getting harder and harder for me to hide the pain and frustration. My storage is empty....i mean that literally and figuratively i am being bled dry just trying to make something of myself. Im desperate...so desperate for a change. When i look back at my life and see the things i lost it hurts su bad. I have Louis Vuitton Luggage under my eyes because i dont sleep...i just lay awake at night worrying, stressing, crying and praying. God has always been right on time but this time.... my resources are gone and i dont know what to do...somebody please help me.