The Closest to Heaven I'll Ever Be

i would would give up forever to touch you
id give my life to love you again
i walk past the road to happiness to forge a new one with you
time passes
people change
some wounds heal others grow
some fester and others bleed

this is how ive felt since the day you left me
i feel like a used napkin
i no longer have a use for anyone else
like broken glass
damaged and irepairable

if my hert had been a house it was destroyed
ravaged by a fire set by you in my figuartive fireplace
which has now spilled over and engulfed the structure
thousands in damage itens incerenerated
most were priceless and irreplacable

this is how i have felt since you left me
im afraid the world will never understand my tears
the ones that you never see
those cried in the dark
and dried far before my sleep deprived face is kissed by the morning sun

since you you have been gone my life has changed
people come people go
no one can ever make me as happy as i was
the security which i now long for
the happiness god denied me

so here i lie a used napkin in the trash where you left me
torn dirty stained used and abused
amongst the odds and ends of your self serving life
having no purpose but to pile up
you could have at least recycled me

where does one go from here
a life of perpetual tears and pain
kmowing you will never come back to me
hiding my pain from the world benath a bravely mustered smile
a portrate of the happy person i once was
before you
stepped  in
ran out
and stole my soul
a precious stone in a gallery of of treasures

Blogged with Flock

OUT OF THE ASHES

I am a man
I struggle
I struggle to escape the stereotype that the world so readily casts on me
Desperately trying ti alleviate the pressures of life
My full time occupation im losing the fight
The unending pursuit of happiness
it is a rat race or so it seems to be, held on the living room floor of Satan
controlled by fate and damned by circumstance
I exist somewhere therein
struggling to show others the real me
somewhere along the way i lost touch with who i used to be
while weathering a storm in this raging sea of living
how can you prove yourself when you're not really sure who you are
when every damn day theres another bruise another fucking scar
If your life has been an escalator ride to the top this piece aint for you
but make sure you wave to the ones for whom life really suck
who took the jagged stairs and not on a level they are stuck
bound only by circumstance but abandoned by luck
Failure seems emanate success, but a dream
people who you thought were examples of true love were not as the seemed
multi faceted like the sides of life
anguish
pain
and mental strife
sometimes i wonder where is god in this
then i remember thru all the trial he is in the midst
he who will surely hold my puny hand
provide for me protect me and carry me over the blazing sands
the sands of life the pastures of time
the grass that grows is simply to remind
me and only me of a time that has long since past
a mistake a lesson a fall on my ass
or maybe just maybe it was that fall on my face
when i tried desperately to hide in this god forsaken place
a place that blinds confuses and rapes
me of my self confidence and pride in my race
no not my color or preference in sex
but a dying breed of people who's lives should be text
the ones who be live that anything is possible when you dream
those who are born out of struggle
and looked down upon by the masses
those are genuine gentle souls who are born from the ashes
From the ashes of a person who once was
who was beaten destroyed and violated just because
just because they thought he was different
they took his soul and will to live without apology or sentiment

Blogged with Flock

Reading the Fine Print

You know how sometimes you sign a contract and read the first and last line and simply skim the middle only 2 discover that a damming factor was hidden therein. I have a theory about love that is extremely similar to that situation. When we love we love blindly seeing the person we have before us and jumping ahead to the future never considering the struggle that comes between. New love never considers heartbreak forces of nature acts of god and lost favor with lady luck. No one ever tells you that you never completely recover from the pain and heartbreak. Can one ever really move on? Do you ever stop loving someone you factored into the rest of you existence only to have it snatched away like a bottle from a baby. I have come to the conclusion i will never recover from my most recent let down. Every time i see his picture i cry hear his name i tear up. I hate the memories i think back to the most perfect valentines day i ever had that once brought me such joy which now leaves a gaping hole in my chest. I think about the child that i grew attached to the man that i loved and cared for. i think of him at least once per day and it has been over for months will i ever recover. every time i think of what he is doing with himself now i am almost physically sick and my eyes fill with tears just thinking of the idea that the man who was once my betrothed is now someone else's husband but what am i to do? i guess im really paying for the things i didn't know the little things that people never tell you. This must be what its like when you read and understand the fine print in hindsight.