What have i become? I used to be so sweet and innocent, so caring and giving. Now i fear that im becoming a cold and heartless person that i dont know. I am reminded of the tin man, the difference is i used to know what it was like to fall in love and feel happy or sad. But these days it feels like im mad at the world. I often talk about an old heart break that never healed. Im sooooo over that but i think that my way of coping has been disabling that which makes a person a person...my ability to feel. What would i do if i could feel? Well for starters i would mend many broken relationships that were destroyed by my short temper and general disregard for the feelings of others. I know that someday i want to fall madly in love but where am i going to find enough strength to again hand over my fragile heart and hope for the best? The "what if" factor is what keeps me from letting anyone in, after all i have been thru i just dont want to get hurt again. I need a man who is strong enough and brave enough to love away the pain, one who is strong enough to carry me thru the hard parts of our journey together and most of all love me like i do just for being who i really am....what i seek is a soul mate. But in this day age when people want to move so swiftly like they do in the movies...where is the man that will love me in slow motion...i guess i am in the minority. I need to be surrounded by people who i can trust and people who love me. Until that day i guess ill just be a frigid bitch who is sad lonely and circling an emotional drowning in a pool of endless suffering, sadness and loneliness. This is the face that you will never see on the streets, on video or in pictures...this is whats left when the paint and clothes come off....when the lights go down.
