Smokin a Cigarette Thinkin About the Past

Yesterday i stepped out on my porch to smoke little did i know when i walked out the door i had stepped out of a manhole in center of memory lane. My mind began to wonder to my exs past heartbreak and mistakes. I began to wonder it is me? Am i the bitch that everyone says i am. Am i too much to handle or am i simply choosing the same kind of men. But thats impossible they have been so unique and original in their own way. Yesterday i thought about someone that i hadn't thought on in a while third. I sat and cried and wondered why he had done me the way he had. Why he chose another over me. I was good to him i gave my best and it still wasn't enough. Its not fair. All my hope for true love is beginning to fade as i have watch all the relationships that gave me hope slowly dissolve and end. I want the American dream i don't want to be loose like everyone else i want to be faithful to a faithful man is that so much to ask? I guess ill be single for the rest of my life and I'm really not ok with that. I know you guys love me but i need that special love from a man who holds my heart. One day i pray but maybe this is how its suppose to be