Helpless.

I feel like no one understands where im coming from. I have reached a point where i cant trust those around me and i find myself just wanting to be alone most of the time. All i want out of life is to be successful but life has dealt me such a shitty hand that im starting to think that there really is no way out. Have you ever had so much pressure on you that you for got what it was like to be free? I cant remember what its like not to be stalked by the grips of depression, i dont remember what its like to look forward to something without worrying about failure. Where do you go from here. Its almost as if everyone i know is standing on top of a building screaming "were up here join us" but i cant even find the stairs to start the climb to the top. I have lost so much, and i have so little. I am thankful for the things i have but i lust for so much more. Where is my opened window or door, where is my golden opportunity? Im so tired and im close to giving up...i dont even know how to give up anymore. I have no way out, i find myself in a tiny box, 4 walls with barely enough for my chest to expand to draw the bittersweet air, that which keeps me alive to try another day and also forces me to wake and face my pain. I want to live but i dont want to live like this...i need more. My walls are closing in on me and its getting harder and harder to breathe.