Untitled

Dear diary
Many days i wonder if i am just wasting air and space. No matter what i do it never seems 2 be enough. Once again i have allowed myself to open up to a man just one more time and the relationship is plagued by rumors of deceit and shadows of insecurity. is it my pretty face or my endearing personality that makes everyone think that i am this vicious cheating slut. Just once i want a man who can trust me and not question my every move. A man who understands that i have male friends too but it is only him that i see. I really want third Tokyo or Oscar lol depending on what day it is. I love him i want to build a real life wit him one day the kind of life that all hope for but only heterosexuals seem to be able to attain. In order for this dream to become a reality he has to trust  me. he must realize that Michael means less to me than he did three days after i met him. There is something contained in this man that i hope to set free. He is a father a go getter and he is my dream. Only a fool would pass up a man like this. Apparently there are many fools in this world if someone has not snatched him up. As i sit on the edge of this bed verbally vomiting out my thoughts and pains i can only imagine what pulses thru his head in the other room. I wish more than anything that he would come in this room and kiss me hug me and make passionate love to me. I simply want him to understand that i love him and i wouldn't leave him for anyone. only a fool would and i james bernard hardy japan avicci am not a fool He again i thought i left my pain in suite 106b and here it has come to harass me again. My soul is wrought by a constant emotional storm i just need one powerful individual to calm my tormented emotions and kiss away my woes. Wht i dont need is more doubt more cold shoulders and more silence. Silence kills. When i went and sat beside my husband on the couch i sat and watched he slept and while kelly price took it to church here in the other room i cried watching his peacful slumber. I woke him only to have him look at me with those wide eyes and roll them. the look he shot me peirced my very soul. Not a single word was needed to get his point across. I arose from my perch only to have him look up at me blankly and rather that stop me as i hoped with everything he would his eyes simply followed me as i left the room and returned to my loneliness and my mental prison where my thoughts run rampant....27 January, 2007  11:49:45 PM

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